Self-esteem is how you value and respect yourself as a person. It is the opinion we develop about ourselves in terms of our ability to meet the challenges of life and achieve happiness and success. Self-esteem impacts how you take care of yourself, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Individuals with high self-esteem value themselves, act independently, assume responsibility for their lives and their choices, and appreciate their strengths and abilities, and accomplishments. People with low self-esteem tend to constantly fear rejection, can be passive in their interactions with others, and blame others for their problems of challenges they face.
The first step in improving self-esteem is to challenge the negative thoughts and messages inside your head. Are the messages logical, realistic, or non-judgmental? The answer is likely no. You are responsible for your thoughts, so halt these negative thoughts by replacing them with more positive ones.
The second step includes practicing self-compassion. Try to nurture yourself by feeding your soul, mind, and body in ways that make you feel special (eg. Treating yourself to your favourite cup of coffee or taking time to relax). A step further would be to discover and pursue some of your passions that spark your spirit. Set a few manageable goals and keep track of your progress to boost motivation and build self-esteem. It is important to also be mindful of your emotions- Take control of your emotions in a balanced way, instead of being overwhelmed by them. Learn ways to manage and cope with stress, anxiety, fear, and guilt.
The third step is to reach out. There is no reason to feel ashamed or feel like you don't deserve help. Ask for support from those you trust personally and professionally. You will get a chance to share, hear other perspectives, and be reminded of what is great about you. This will set the path of getting the help you need.
It is never too late to feel good about yourself. We need to be able to acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses while at the same time be accepting of who we are (Marbella International University Centre, 2017).
Use these various strategies to help build healthy self-esteem.
Use these self-affirmations to encourage yourself to think positively about the important things in your life.
View common cognitive thinking distortions that can contribute to negative emotions. These emotions fuel catastrophic thinking patterns that are can be disabling. Try to identify distortions that are familiar to you, so that you begin to re-frame those thoughts.
Body image is the personal relationship one has with their body, which may or may not be realistic to how one appears. It includes mental perceptions, beliefs, thoughts, and feelings about one's physical appearance. Body image is subject to many kinds of distortion and dissatisfaction is common as it affects 90% of women and 50% of men (EDNA, 2020).
One list cannot automatically tell you how to turn negative body thoughts into positive body image, but it can introduce you to healthier ways of looking at yourself and your body. The more you practice these new thought patterns, the better you will feel about who you are and the body you naturally have.
Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you—running, dancing, breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.
Things that aren’t related to how much you weigh or what you look like. Read your list often. Add to it as you become aware of more things to like about yourself.
When you feel good about yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.
When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts. See yourself as you want others to see you — as a whole person.
It is easier to feel good about yourself and your body when you are around others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of liking yourself just as you naturally are.
Shut down voices that tell you your body is not right or that you are a bad person. You can overpower those negative thoughts with positive ones. The next time you start to tear yourself down, build yourself back up with a few quick affirmations that work for you.
Work with your body, not against it.
Pay attention to images, slogans, or attitudes that make you feel bad about yourself or your body. Protest these messages: write a letter to the advertiser or talk back to the image or message.
Do something that lets your body know you appreciate it. Take a bubble bath, make time for a nap, or find a peaceful place outside to relax.
Use the time and energy that you might have spent worrying about food, calories, and your weight to do something to help others. Sometimes reaching out to other people can help you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world (EDNA, 2020).
A body confidence and self-esteem toolkit for young adults to promote body acceptance and prevent the onset of eating disorders.
Understand how body image develops, ways to improve your body image, and challenge assumptions we make about appearance.
Anger is a perfectly healthy human emotion and one that we need to manage threatening situations. Everyone experiences anger in different ways depending on individual differences, life experiences and their personal beliefs and world view. Some people find that their anger has caused them serious problems as they feel unable to control it or behave in an aggressive manner. Anger management strategies can be helpful for students who meet a variety of frustrations and challenges as part of their post-secondary experience (Help Guide, 2019).
Have you ever gotten into an argument over something silly? Big fights often happen over something small, like a dish left out or being ten minutes late. But there’s usually a bigger issue behind it. If you find your irritation and anger rapidly rising, ask yourself, “What am I really angry about?” Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate your anger better, take constructive action, and work towards a resolution.
While you might feel that you just explode into anger without warning, there are in fact physical warning signs in your body. Becoming aware of your own personal signs that your temper is starting to boil allows you to take steps to manage your anger before it gets out of control.
Stressful events don’t excuse anger, but understanding how these events affect you can help you take control of your environment and avoid unnecessary aggravation. Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings.
Once you know how to recognize the warning signs that your temper is rising and anticipate your triggers, you can act quickly to deal with your anger before it spins out of control. Browse the resources below for many techniques that can help you cool down and keep your anger in check.
If you’ve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there’s something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way.
Taking care of your overall mental and physical wellbeing can help ease tension and diffuse anger problems. Practice self-care and coping mechanisms that are helpful to you.
When things get tense, humor and playfulness can help you lighten the mood, smooth over differences, reframe problems, and keep things in perspective. When you feel yourself getting angry in a situation, try using a little lighthearted humor
If, despite putting these previous anger management techniques into practice, your anger is still spiraling out of control, or if you’re getting into trouble with the law or hurting others, you need more help (Help Guide, 2019).
This free toolkit offers strategies to cope with anger and tools to manage negative emotions that arise.
This handout defines anger, discusses ways to manage your anger, and change your thinking paterns.
This free program offers tools for managing stress and emotions, improving your relationships, and brightening your life.
Red Deer College Counselling Services
100 College Boulevard
PO Box 5005
Red Deer, AB T4N 5H5
Counselling Services Hours
Monday-Friday: 8:30 am - 4:30 pm
*extended hours on Wednesday until 6 pm
Closed Saturday, Sunday,
and all Statutory Holidays
Red Deer College recognizes that our campus is situated on Treaty 7 land, the traditional territory of the Blackfoot, Tsuu T’ina and Stoney Nakoda peoples, and that the central Alberta region we serve falls under Treaty 6, traditional Métis, Cree and Saulteaux territory. We honour the First Peoples who have lived here since time immemorial, and we give thanks for the land where RDC sits. This is where we will strive to honour and transform our relationships with one another.
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